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all my apologies for this pub in the community [25 Jul 2017|12:58am]


 You have Money worries? 

Your income did you promise anything for the future? 

You Want to put an end to all your financial problems? 

Then I  certify you that you are at the right address ... 

Get any type of credit without hassles,

without embarrassment,

and this, in a moment of short period ... for more information, see the e-mail address kochalcina@gmail.com

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Having recently earned a Major Award, one is apparently rendered immune to rules? [11 Jun 2015|07:22pm]

Dear Sir,

The event I most recently attended was on a dry site.

Dry means no alcohol. Never. Nada, zip, zilch.

Breaking the rules, even discreetly, is problematic. Getting called on it BY A BARONESS should mean you stop immediately. Instead, you opted to tell her the rules do not apply to you.

As I left the event, I spotted someone heading to the autocrat to tattle. Sorry, dude. You screwed up. I hope you were thoroughly dressed down for it. Drinking on a dry site means eventually, we'll lose access to that site. That is Not Cool.
17 comments|post comment

What is 16th Century Term for Mooch? [14 Mar 2015|05:23pm]

[ mood | angry ]

MiLady Mooche,

I know you have had many positions that just never seem to work for you, you are "Laid Off" after 6 months over and over again, or you quit because it did not work for you.  I wish I could be so cavalieri but I have bills to pay and I have a fabric monkey on my back. When I first met you, as I do with anyone and everyone who is new I try to help.You did not have anything to wear in the SCA and I have patterns, books and sewing machines, a match made in heaven.

When you came to my home and I showed you what is typically used in the SCA this was not an invitation to take my fabrics, someone had tried to help you, and the neckline was tragic, so I used some of my fabrics to make it look better. Again this was not an inviation to then go into my stash and pick out things you would like to have. When I saw the pile you have placed together, including 6 yards of $68.00 cashmere wool, I told you so. One would have thought my being spefic would have told you but I guess not.

When our next A&S Solar arrived and I brought  some patterns I had created to show how things are done, you picked them at the end and placed them into your box.  I am so sorry I guess when I said "These are my patterns, if you would like to make a set I can show you all how" was actually an inviation for you just to abscound with my things.

As the months progressed to Tourney Season, you whined and were given a pavilion, you decorated it very nicely from paints you were given.  You got a slat bed from someone else and that again is what the SCA is known for......

My Household is not your household.  We are known for feeding people, it comes from having too many cooks!  We love to cook, so as no surprise we offer people what extra we have.
I am so sorry you misunderstood our being generous with being patsies.   So you told me you hated my Blue sauce, you had not tried but it did not 'look' appitizing, hmmmph yet you walked out of our camp with both the bowl and half a roasted chicken. Something I was going to use for that night's dinner.  You would not know since you are not on our meal plan nor in our household planning..

Okay so I avoid you, I don't find your thought of what the SCA is, to be something I choose to deal with, but then I hear you, because we live in Canvas Tents, so voices travel, you telling other new to the SCA not to bring anything to eat and people will feed you, that if you do not have fabric ask me, because I have silks and Linens and other things I will just give you, and if you speak ouit loudly enough??? You too can get a Pavilion for free,  and a bed as well.

I don't want to curry facor, I don't want to encourage gossip, I waited until you were alone at this same event and called you out.   Now you are claiming I am a bully, and very mean.

You just can't win for losing, what is a person who behaves like this called?? A Moocher

13 comments|post comment

So sorry we keep failing you, part the third... [27 Dec 2014|10:44am]

So that incident, the one you implied was recent? Apparently now it turns out it was more like three years ago. Good to know you saved up all your irritation and invective to spew on numerous lists in a timely fashion.

The person you have now chosen to personally blame? Doesn't know you, has never met you, had no idea there was ever a problem until it fell into her lap in the last month, escalated and sticky. Also, she hasn't held the position you deem to be 'at fault' for two and a half years and no longer lives in our group.

You've been banned from multiple email lists and facebook pages, because you keep raising the same bullshit, petulantly asking the same question over and over despite getting the same NO every time. You've been blocked by multiple individuals you sent PMs to who have nothing to do with the issue and don't know why you're involving them. You've pissed off most of the officers of the Kingdom, set your entire local group on edge, and brought our Kingdom into disrepute in an international forum.

You've been rude and dismissive to those who have tried to help you. You've escalated something that was your own fault into a Kingdom level problem, blamed anyone and everyone but yourself for your 'wasted time', dragged people who were not involved into the whole sorry mess, and now you've decided it's all the fault of someone you've never met, who wasn't involved at any point along the way.

Want to run by me again how you're the aggrieved party? Actually, scrap that - I've heard it all already. Try telling m'Lord Brickwall - he'll listen all you like and won't offend your ears by offering any of those pesky opinions of his own.
12 comments|post comment

Ways to fail to flatter an artisan ... [14 Dec 2014|09:09am]


When attempting to flatter an artisan:

- soliciting items for an A&S display at the event an artisan can't attend is flattering.

- failing to acknowledge receipt of said items until explicitly asked ... is less flattering.

- failing to return the items, or even get them in the mail, four weeks after the event is over ... is not flattering.

- implying that it's the artisan's responsibility to, in essence, hunt you down and pester you until you have put the items back in the mail (which in the US can be done by buying a shipping label at usps.com, and then placing the package in your mailbox as outgoing mail) ... is priceless.

For bonus points, ship it back to the wrong address and then make the artisan responsible for figuring out where the package went.  Even though the artisan included her address on the shipping label, in the note that went with the items (which was of course immediately discarded because it couldn't possibly be important), and in an email to the recipient flatterer.

In other words; this is why I can no longer share my weavings for A&S display at any event I am not personally attending.

6 comments|post comment

It's not me, it's you. (Or, So sorry we keep failing you Part II) [02 Dec 2014|04:07pm]

Since you've said yourself that The Technology Is Frightening in a certain Facebook page (*snort*), I guess there's a pretty slim chance of you ever coming across this post. No big deal... here's 60c, go tell someone who cares.

So after your last whinge on the SCA international Facebook page, where you slammed your local group and made your Kingdom look like a bunch of Sheriff Of Nottinghams, you took your bat and ball and went home. It was a shame, but we got over it.

But just as the search party had been called off... Just kidding everybody, I never really went away, I'd still like to be a member of your organisation. But I just have this little issue of not wanting being able to do what the rest of the Kingdom does to obtain their membership. Woe! The Technology! The Bad People! The Humanity! The Injustice Of It All!

No kidding? Someone sent you a membership card? Wow, that was very kind of them. You couldn't be bothered doing what everyone else in the kingdom does to obtain membership? You then turn around and blame pretty much everyone else but your own lazy arse? What's that you say? Probably only cost them 60c? No big deal?

We tried. We really, really did.

But unfortunately, you appear to have a bad case of The Dumb. We're not sure it's curable, science just isn't up to the task. So we've given you a helping hand to be on your way. Don't feel bad, really, we just don't seem to be able to get along. It's for the best.

4 comments|post comment

So sorry we keep failing you... [19 Oct 2014|04:56pm]

Let's see, you turned up to a weekly fighter practice that has random A&S and dance practice on demand, with three kids (one over 18) in tow. You didn't bother to tell anyone you were coming. Your eldest, who also didn't bother to tell anyone he was coming, wants to fight, and of course, loaner armour and someone free and able to work with him just magically appeared. Or didn't, I'm not quite sure which.

You didn't bother to tell the dance mistress that you were coming, and as none of the regular attendees were coming that week, she decided to not to make the 70k round trip. There were no A&S activities listed for that weekend, so the A&S minister with chronic health problems decided not to use up her spoons either, as she also had no idea that Milady Precious would be there, dragging her ducklings and demanding Something To Do.

You were annoyed to be asked to pay the insurance surcharge that every non-member in this country (not the USA) is required by the insurance company to pay. You were also annoyed that there was no one there who could hand you a printed membership form and take your membership money, because no one knew you were coming.

Now, I remember when you last played, twenty years ago. I remember you being involved and active, being an officer, and generally helping out. I remember your scorn for rude people who just expected things to materialise instead of asking, or putting in the effort to make things happen themselves, or who complained about how things were not to their precise liking.

So I can only assume that in the intervening two decades, you have infact been replaced by aliens, or are suffering the worst case of Extended Mummy Brain in the history of mythology, because I can't think of any other explanation for why you thought the best place to bewail the Unfairness Of It All was on a world-wide facebook page. Wailing about Evil Insurance Evilly Applied to a bunch of people, the majority of whom opperate under very different mundane rules, different insurance requirements, and who have no idea what you're talking about, nor are in any place to help you. Your tantrum of Broke! Isolated! Away from Anywhere! Too Far! Have Kids! Not Fair! all the while blithely waving away any and all offers of help that were not tantamount to someone driving to your house with a membership form and a receipt book, ah, that was something to read.

Good to know that welcoming you back into the fold will be so easy and productive.
21 comments|post comment

Epic Flounce [14 Oct 2014|02:37pm]

Wow. After months of refusing help with a problem, and concentrating on window dressing instead, the problem became so huge that you had to deal with it immediately. So, you wisely decided that you were being persecuted and ignored, and quit the group in the nastiest, most public flounce I have ever witnessed in the SCA. I think you more than burned your bridges, sweetheart. Napalm springs to mind.
13 comments|post comment

Because that is what Facebook is for. [30 Sep 2014|05:18pm]

You post on a branch facebook that you would like to do activity A.
The person who is in charge of the FB page explains why the post is inappropriate and removes it.
Further conversation & explanation (including how you can do activity A without this specific Facebook page.)

Then the truth comes out. A meant B. Nothing to do with the SCA at all and we are all mean bullies for not knowing that before.

Sorry about the confusion.
3 comments|post comment

Chivalry Lives, My Friends--Just Not With You [06 Sep 2014|11:21pm]
Good milords:

If you notice, as you sit before your pavilion in the night season, that your close female neighbor has forgotten, or not yet learned, that changing clothes while using a light source in a single-walled tent will provide a free shadow play to all without, do you:

*Go tell Constab that somebody needs a gentle reminder?

*Stand at her threshold with averted eyes, shuffling your feet and clearing your throat, until she gets the hint?

*Begin talking loudly about how you sure are glad you remembered to turn off your lantern before getting into your garb?

*Stare greedily, then realize that the unfortunate woman is not of the body shape that dingles your Fingals, and feel so offended by this that you show up on a post-event thread to complain about her effrontery in daring to exist within your line of sight?

Congratulations, you drooling cynocephali; you chose the option that makes your character clear. Thanks for identifying yourselves as regulars. I now know which event not to go to.
6 comments|post comment

just because we call it "home" doesn't mean it really is. [06 Aug 2014|08:36am]

Oh sure, when you're camping surrounded by this many people why not let your kid "cry it out". At 1am. For an hour.
17 comments|post comment

I just... I can't... WHAT? [11 Jun 2014|02:23pm]

"Behold! [Name withheld to protect the snarkable], of the Far East. From whom was born the concept of Allen Dawén from quite possibly Cornwall during the 12th-14th century. As a merchant, he made his way across the seas through the spice trade routes bring knowledge of ancient healing arts such as Reiki. Using chi to heal nobles, he landed a position on the inner English court during the rule of King Henry. The king, who granted akira an audience made him a sort of courtier to the royal court by appointing him to run errands between kingdoms."

And in your spare time you were a pirate? Who knew magic, perhaps? Let me guess - were you an orphan, too?
17 comments|post comment

A brief rant about 'discretion' [09 Dec 2013|01:16am]

[ mood | angry ]

Discretion is the ability to know when it is ok to speak openly about something, and when you should keep your trap shut.

Telling me that someone has an issue with me, and then refusing to tell me who, is not being discrete, it's being an arsehole. Because I now have to deal with a problem existing that I cannot judge the seriousness of and that I have no way of resolving or fixing, and I additionally get to spend the next few days second-guessing every interaction I have had with some fifty or so people, most of whom I consider friends.

Those arsehole words can sour the memory of a good event, and have the power to damage friendships. And you don't protect anyone but yourself in doing it.

Repeat after me: if you aren't prepared to drop someone in it by saying their name, then don't say anything at all - that is being discrete.

Edit: on rereading, I realise this isn't really snarky, but I really needed a place to blow my top. I Will Do Better snarkish next time.

20 comments|post comment

[03 Dec 2013|12:59pm]

When mass-posting a message to all of the chroniclers in the kingdom, it would be a good idea to spell-check your message. Especially if you are the Kingdom Chronicler and the word you misspelled multiple times is the name of your and their offices.

(I'm not one who deserves to throw stones - I often mess up my own messages too. But this one, spread across so many message venues, made me laugh.)
1 comment|post comment

[28 Nov 2013|10:34pm]

Recently seen at a local gathering, the most elegant medieval fashion accessory I have yet witnessed: a sagging, overflowing, badly supported cleavage... with a cigarette litter inserted.
3 comments|post comment

Confidentiality Should not be a Punchline [20 Nov 2013|01:12pm]

Recently heard in a discussion amongst a gathering of SCA friends:

"I really want to send a note to the Society and BOD about all this Bullying, abuse of authority, and political manipulation. But, I want it to remain confidential"

The room goes dead silent for a heartbeat, then erupts into hysterical laughter.
2 comments|post comment

Paraphrased from a recent event... [16 Nov 2013|01:03pm]

"Yeah, I know we were told there were kids in the middle room, and to use the end doors. But seriously, you're going to bitch about me being loud and drunk outside the door at 10pm? Don't you know this event has a tavern? If I wanna get loud and drunk, what's it to you? If your kids can't sleep through an event, don't bring 'em..."

"Oy! You! Parent! Tell your stinking noisy kids that some of us have hangovers! Don't they know civilised people never crawl out of bed before 10am on a Sunday? If you can't keep them quiet in the mornings at an event, don't bring 'em!"

I was good, I did not give the children recorders, much as I wanted to.
6 comments|post comment

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